"You're not normal. And you never will be."
I remember so many things, but not much from before I was around 7. Some things I just suddenly remember, and it's like it happened yesterday. Like that one.
I was 12 when I was first told that. It was a week after my birthday and I stared at the person who said it.
It wasn't that it hurt a lot. I'd know this for a while, but hadn't ever heard someone say it directly to me.
Sure, I'd heard people say it in passing, like, "That girl is not normal," but just in teasing.
It was the fact that they were saying it for me to hear that I was upset and hurt about. They truly believed it.
Even years later, I can still see the look on one of my friends face. She was horrified.
"I am to normal." I told him. I didn't believe it, though. I still don't believe it. And I know it's true.
He shook his head. "You will never be normal. There will never be a cure. Believe it as you might, you'll live with this your whole life. And when you're older, no guy will ever want to take on that responsibility of you. It's too much work."
The truth is, I'm not normal. I haven't been for years. I have Type 1 diabetes.
You might not think I'm any different than you when you look at me, but it's true.
Things about T1D/me that you might not know:
1) I'm not contagious.
2) I didn't get it by eating a lot of sugar.
3) I have to put needles of insulin in my body (arms, stomach, legs) 4-6 times a day.
4) I have to draw blood from my finger 5-8 times a day.
5) I sometimes have the fear of falling asleep at night and not waking up because I might bottom and go into a coma.
6) I might loose my eyesight if I'm not careful.
7) I've lived with this for almost 15 years.
8) I don't have to eat certain things. I can go to a potluck and eat a bunch, as long as I keep track of what I eat so I can give myself insulin for it.
9) I have spots on my fingers from all the needles I've put in them.
10) I'm not gonna die.
I'm not normal, but in God's eyes I am. I'm His princess and He loves me just as I am. He made me this way for a reason. He has a purpose for it. I just don't know the purpose yet.
No matter what disease or invisible illness you have or what problem you have, God can use that to draw people close to Him through you. Just be patient.
God is preparing us for a purpose in His plans in some place, but we have to be patient while we wait. It may not be for years, but He has big plans.
He is preparing us.
For His purpose.
For His plans.
In some place in the world.
Watching us as we wait patiently for Him to make it clear.